To mine from Your.S.

You’re a real beauty…

The way your hair flows freely, barely touching your shoulders, but standing out right in front of your face as if to say “I’m here, what do you want to do about it?!” And you giving it an intense shake so it falls back on line for the time being. 

You really are a beauty. 

You wear your insecurities like badges of honor. Yes… I think I’m fat and my tummy juggles when I run and my thighs are huge. It’s impressive. You shy away in the most boldest of ways. I’m here… but I don’t want to be a bother. And it’s fascinating, today the least, how you tend to have a sort of permanent smile. Even when your face reads danger, there’s always a hinted smirk. Angry but not overpowered. 

You really are a beauty! 

An antisocial butterfly. An isolated being stuck in a crowd of people. Blending in wherever you go. But standing out just so everyone knows… I DON’T BELONG HERE. And then retreating back into the crowd… into your crowded corner of isolation. 

You truly are…

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There was this guy I once knew. Everything about him was different, but behind his eyes lied a truth I wanted to unfold, a story that had never been told. a dream not yet dreamt and a soul that was confused and unkempt.  He was easy on the eyes but even easier with his words. And he called me brave. The fact that he was upfront about his flaws from the beginning made me more intrigued and interested. Normally, I’m different. Usually it would immediately turn me sour but with him… it was like I wanted to venture more into this thing he called his flaw and make it beautiful.

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Only tiptoeing in the edge of love ensuring that you weren’t caught up in the web that was supposed to be us… Yet allowing me to drown in the ocean of my own tears from living you too powerfully.
Tears from the realization that you weren’t mine but hoping you would one day be and one day we’d fall into line and become in-sync and we’d live our happily ever after.
But we both know they only exist in fiction novels and fairy tales.
Yet my heart still longs to be back in its safe haven. My heart still longs for you.

Focus

f o c u s

As I lay with you in these sheets, I see… I see exactly what i want to see. I see us and a smile on your face. Me laying in your arms, stroking your chest with my fingers, listening to your heart beat and how it slows and speeds with each breath you take. Imaging the life ahead and forgetting the life past us… Because we’re here… We’re happy. Nothing else matters but this… this moment with you and I. Not even the air in the room can separate us because it’s not a you and I anymore… it’s an us. Your humorous + my randomness in this magic carpet of a bed that begins to float when you… You kiss me and I…

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What happened? We were just there! In a place clouded with love and affection. Now I’m standing in a crowd. SCREAMING for your attention. You’re looking at me?? No.. You’re looking through me at the girl behind me because she seems to be appealing to your eye. She’s telling you things that you want to hear and you’re doing her the same. But in all actuality… She’s not telling you anything that I haven’t told you… She’s not telling you anything that I don’t still tell you. But the words you’re saying to her seem so foreign to me. Haven’t heard them from your lips in SSSOOOOOO long. HEARTBREAK 1… You kiss her?? You kiss HER?! A kiss with such intensity that seems foreign to me… Such passion and… and LUST and it’s almost like you have a need for her… HEARTBREAK 2. You reach in your pocket and pull out a rose. Red with velvet pedals. SERIOUSLY?! Your other pocket?? Tears form in her eyes as you reach… in … that… pocket… A box…Heated-I become. Eyes red from envy. Fire in my veins from the hate I feel towards her… Towards YOU!  I can’t believe my eyes. Close them tight as to block away the images of betrayal… opening them back and my eyes begin to…

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In front of me on bended knee I see. You?! You?.. YOU!! You asking me to be yours officially. asking for my hand… for my heart… Ring in hand.. My left on your right?? Was it me?! Is it me you see with you forever? Those words… Those words. Sweet words. Melodies to my ears. Adrenaline to my heart. Startled with surprise. What to say? You eagerly wait on my response… I have always dreamed of a moment so sweet to be cherished. I think back on our first kiss in middle school… Our first date to the movies… The park… the stairs… the porch… the late nights… the early mornings all spent with you throughout my life. The breakups… Make-ups… Split ups… Pick me ups… Put me downs. This roller coaster I’ve been on with you for so long. All worth it?? Indeed it was worth the tears shed and fights fought.. Because in the end, I ended up with…

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Wet? Wet from sweat. But I thought that it was… We were… I look over. No you in sight. Just me alone with the bears from the years past and the memories… Memories of the dreams that I hope come… come soon. Before my heart is all timed out and… it’s not like I’m going anywhere but… Those memories… the memories of those dreams show me… showed me what i could have…what I deserve. And yet at this point you’re not COMPLETELY mine… No need to say the words. I see it in you. Those words and actions so foreign.. so unknown… so… FORGOTTEN!! That’s the word I was looking for. Once reality sets in, I’m faced with the memories of the past. OUR past. That Roller Coaster of that thing we call love I guess… The past good.. past bad…  9th grade… Long letters… long talks… long walks… hugs snuck by the door so no one would see… getting back together and feeling more in love than before. The good ALWAYS followed the bad even though the bad got worse every time it came around. The good always seemed more…

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Remind me… I’ll remind you… that I’ve been yours since before you and I… Heart on my sleeve and head held high. It’s like I’m dreaming again. Did I drift off to sleep again?  Dreaming of a time when my crush was a crush that crushed me because my crush didn’t want me. But now…

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With a million thoughts running through my mind, I only seem to be able to catch the ones that are about you. Or is it that those are the only ones I seek? I stop and notice that all the other thoughts passed me by but I’m attracted to you only…

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Now about that dream… the one where you asked me for my hand… You eagerly wait for my response. That smile.. that smile that hooks my heart. It mixes my emotions…. That smile that stole my heart… the one I leaped in love for… Those eyes that have a sincerity about them… a mystery hidden inside them… a mystery I would like to solve. I never could figure you out because you’ve always been the unpredictable type. Always going over and beyond… I want to know why that mystery hides behind the eyes of one so kind and understanding… One so gentle and strong-willed.

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Oh right!! My answer!!! My heart is yours. My heart… My heart has belonged to you from the beginning, in the middle, and through the end. I’ve been yours since I saw that smile… that same hooking smile that caught my eye… since I’ve looked into your eyes. My hand… is…

F O C U S…

Now back to reality

Left Behind

We were once driving in the fast lane
But then you stopped
You stopped because you realized
That while you were moving fast
You could not be seen
You could not see
I kept going unaware of your slowed pace and attraction of all things around you
I kept going and saw the blur of it all
I saw the lights of the city with you
The stars of the country with you
The sculptures and the stones
The vastness of the sea and the oceans we rode across.
We saw the moon at its peak
We saw the sun at its lowest
The snow on the mountains
The sand in the beach
I kept going
Unaware that I was alone the entire time…

All I can do…

1:13 pm Saturday
I watch you stand and wait by the door with your bags packed
Your eyes full of cheer and glee
And all you can think is “She’s coming for me”
And it shows on your face
You’re ready to leave this place
And race into the arms of the one who bore you
Claiming to adore you
And promising to one day come and take you away to a place you will know as your home

3:36 pm Saturday
You wait and watch
Wondering what time “soon” really is
I watch you standing there becoming restless
Your fingers fiddling with a necklace
That was mailed not handed
Price tag pulled off in hopes to be used as a bandage
Fo ra little girls heart that was damaged
By the one who claims to love her most

7:32 pm Saturday
You’ve gone from standing to sitting
Your smile is gone
With every passing minute, I see the light dim in your eyes
Where there was once light, a grey cloud lies
It blocks out the sunshine
More and more over time
You look at the clock
And who would have thought it would hurt so bad
That it would make you so sad to feel forgotten

8:16 pm Saturday
The sun has gone down and you’re hoping that promise
was not in vain
I sit in my chair wanting to fix it
To mend your heart where there seems to be a huge dent
I want you to run into my arms and
I make it all okay
And make the hurt go away
And show you that you are loved
you ARE loved

11:29 pm Saturday
As your tears fall heavily, my heart grows heavier
I hold you tightly as you cry on my shoulder
I want to tell you that you’ll understand when you’re older
That time can heal all pain
And warn you not to
Get your hopes up so high again
Because you’ll only be let down
But I will always be around to wipe your tears
And through all of your future years
I’ll love you like you should be
But I’m hoping you won’t hold it against me
If I don’t speak up
I have to wait until YOU’VE had enough
But until then, All I can give you is my love

To my niece ❤

Fix it

Fix it, fix it
You broke it. So fix it.
Those dents and scars, you made it
You hurt it so why not save it
Mend it, make it better
Polished and unweathered
Clean, shiny, like new
It has only been tainted by you.
By you, by you
You tore it in half
You rushed it and ruined it
Dented and you bruised it
You broke it in two
Now I don’t know what to do
So fix it! Fix it!
You broke it. So fix it.
Those tears and marks are new.
Caused only by you
By you, by you.
The one I thought I knew
Apparently that was untrue
Because I’m literally torn in 2.

Queen 👑