f o c u s

As I lay with you in these sheets, I see… I see exactly what i want to see. I see us and a smile on your face. Me laying in your arms, stroking your chest with my fingers, listening to your heart beat and how it slows and speeds with each breath you take. Imaging the life ahead and forgetting the life past us… Because we’re here… We’re happy. Nothing else matters but this… this moment with you and I. Not even the air in the room can separate us because it’s not a you and I anymore… it’s an us. Your humorous + my randomness in this magic carpet of a bed that begins to float when you… You kiss me and I…

f o c u s

What happened? We were just there! In a place clouded with love and affection. Now I’m standing in a crowd. SCREAMING for your attention. You’re looking at me?? No.. You’re looking through me at the girl behind me because she seems to be appealing to your eye. She’s telling you things that you want to hear and you’re doing her the same. But in all actuality… She’s not telling you anything that I haven’t told you… She’s not telling you anything that I don’t still tell you. But the words you’re saying to her seem so foreign to me. Haven’t heard them from your lips in SSSOOOOOO long. HEARTBREAK 1… You kiss her?? You kiss HER?! A kiss with such intensity that seems foreign to me… Such passion and… and LUST and it’s almost like you have a need for her… HEARTBREAK 2. You reach in your pocket and pull out a rose. Red with velvet pedals. SERIOUSLY?! Your other pocket?? Tears form in her eyes as you reach… in … that… pocket… A box…Heated-I become. Eyes red from envy. Fire in my veins from the hate I feel towards her… Towards YOU!  I can’t believe my eyes. Close them tight as to block away the images of betrayal… opening them back and my eyes begin to…


In front of me on bended knee I see. You?! You?.. YOU!! You asking me to be yours officially. asking for my hand… for my heart… Ring in hand.. My left on your right?? Was it me?! Is it me you see with you forever? Those words… Those words. Sweet words. Melodies to my ears. Adrenaline to my heart. Startled with surprise. What to say? You eagerly wait on my response… I have always dreamed of a moment so sweet to be cherished. I think back on our first kiss in middle school… Our first date to the movies… The park… the stairs… the porch… the late nights… the early mornings all spent with you throughout my life. The breakups… Make-ups… Split ups… Pick me ups… Put me downs. This roller coaster I’ve been on with you for so long. All worth it?? Indeed it was worth the tears shed and fights fought.. Because in the end, I ended up with…


Wet? Wet from sweat. But I thought that it was… We were… I look over. No you in sight. Just me alone with the bears from the years past and the memories… Memories of the dreams that I hope come… come soon. Before my heart is all timed out and… it’s not like I’m going anywhere but… Those memories… the memories of those dreams show me… showed me what i could have…what I deserve. And yet at this point you’re not COMPLETELY mine… No need to say the words. I see it in you. Those words and actions so foreign.. so unknown… so… FORGOTTEN!! That’s the word I was looking for. Once reality sets in, I’m faced with the memories of the past. OUR past. That Roller Coaster of that thing we call love I guess… The past good.. past bad…  9th grade… Long letters… long talks… long walks… hugs snuck by the door so no one would see… getting back together and feeling more in love than before. The good ALWAYS followed the bad even though the bad got worse every time it came around. The good always seemed more…


Remind me… I’ll remind you… that I’ve been yours since before you and I… Heart on my sleeve and head held high. It’s like I’m dreaming again. Did I drift off to sleep again?  Dreaming of a time when my crush was a crush that crushed me because my crush didn’t want me. But now…


With a million thoughts running through my mind, I only seem to be able to catch the ones that are about you. Or is it that those are the only ones I seek? I stop and notice that all the other thoughts passed me by but I’m attracted to you only…


Now about that dream… the one where you asked me for my hand… You eagerly wait for my response. That smile.. that smile that hooks my heart. It mixes my emotions…. That smile that stole my heart… the one I leaped in love for… Those eyes that have a sincerity about them… a mystery hidden inside them… a mystery I would like to solve. I never could figure you out because you’ve always been the unpredictable type. Always going over and beyond… I want to know why that mystery hides behind the eyes of one so kind and understanding… One so gentle and strong-willed.


Oh right!! My answer!!! My heart is yours. My heart… My heart has belonged to you from the beginning, in the middle, and through the end. I’ve been yours since I saw that smile… that same hooking smile that caught my eye… since I’ve looked into your eyes. My hand… is…

F O C U S…

Now back to reality


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