I’m not supposed to love you. You left me. Well I left you,technically but only when you put my heart in jeopardy and I could take no more. Yet now I find myself waiting on your calls. Wondering if you’re even thinking of me at all and wishing we could just go back even though I’m not supposed to love you.
I miss the way you held me closely. Kissed me and told me you loved me and meant it, or at least I hope so. As of now, I honestly don’t know. Considering the fact that you kept my heart in a choke hold and have yet to allow it to beat on its own. I’m not supposed to love you.
But I find myself missing your crazy sense of humor and your smell. Daydreaming of the things you did well. How you were always there when I needed you. Allowed me to be my true self no matter what because you knew al I had to give was love. And respect and honor. And
I’m not supposed to love you…but I do. Too many seconds of my day are spent thinking about you and what we were and what we could be and how we ended so abruptly and heart were broken and trust was lost. Memories faded, never to be relived or revisited….
You were supposed to be my best friend!
You knew be better that anybody and swore you would always be by my side. My and my family were on the outs you would take me out and we would ride to the ends of the earth. Until the wheels fell off. Until there was nowhere else to go. You always would know me. And show me that
You were supposed to be my BEST FRIEND
Answering my calls and cries. Never infusing your truths with lies. Always see you laters, never goodbyes. And I tried to be there for you. But you kept me arms length. Never allowing me close enough to show you my strength and that I was good enough.
You were SUPPOSED to be my best friend…
But you don’t hurt somebody you love, right. Crying my self to sleep at night trying to figure out should I leave or fight. And I froze. Because
YOU were supposed to be MY best friend
Yet you hurt me now even worse than you hurt me then and it’s all by fault because all I do is sit around and pretend like everything is fine. Something that it hasn’t been for a long time. Because you proved to be that one thing you’d never be was mine even though that’s all we discussed.
As we lay in the moonlight. With one arm wrapped around me and the other caressing my cheek. I wonder what others could there be but you. I would have travelled to the end of the earths for you and remained yours.
But all I seem to be doing is running in place. Stuck in the habit of giving you more of me than you deserve.
You WERE supposed to be my best friend
You’re a real beauty…
The way your hair flows freely, barely touching your shoulders, but standing out right in front of your face as if to say “I’m here, what do you want to do about it?!” And you giving it an intense shake so it falls back on line for the time being.
You really are a beauty.
You wear your insecurities like badges of honor. Yes… I think I’m fat and my tummy juggles when I run and my thighs are huge. It’s impressive. You shy away in the most boldest of ways. I’m here… but I don’t want to be a bother. And it’s fascinating, today the least, how you tend to have a sort of permanent smile. Even when your face reads danger, there’s always a hinted smirk. Angry but not overpowered.
You really are a beauty!
An antisocial butterfly. An isolated being stuck in a crowd of people. Blending in wherever you go. But standing out just so everyone knows… I DON’T BELONG HERE. And then retreating back into the crowd… into your crowded corner of isolation.
You truly are…
“Let’s just say, I love chocolate. Always have since I was younger. Snicker bars, to be exact. And that’s all I ate – day in and day out.
Until eventually, eating Snicker Bars started making my teeth hurt. So I went to the dentist.
The dentist told me that if I don’t stop eating Snicker Bars, I’ll lose al of my teeth and I won’t be able to enjoy any kinds of sweets.
So for a while, I listened. No Snicker Bars. I even tried a Twix and a Hershey every now and then.
They were good. But in my mind, the Snicker Bar was always the best; even though it hurt to eat them.
So, one day I went against doctors orders and tried a Snicker Bar. Even better than I remembered.
So, I went back to the routine of eating Snicker Bars regularly, while also dabbling with a Twix or a Hershey Bar every now and then.
Upon my next Dentist visit, I was told I could no longer eat any sweets.
I was told that eating the Snicker Bars the way that I had been caused me to have to have all of my teeth removed.
To this day, I think of how good the Snicker Bar was; but then I look at all of the other candies and I know that I’ll never be able to enjoy them at all.
All because I allowed one candy bar to ruin it for the rest…
If it’s not good for you, let it go
There was this guy I once knew. Everything about him was different, but behind his eyes lied a truth I wanted to unfold, a story that had never been told. a dream not yet dreamt and a soul that was confused and unkempt. He was easy on the eyes but even easier with his words. And he called me brave. The fact that he was upfront about his flaws from the beginning made me more intrigued and interested. Normally, I’m different. Usually it would immediately turn me sour but with him… it was like I wanted to venture more into this thing he called his flaw and make it beautiful.
Only tiptoeing in the edge of love ensuring that you weren’t caught up in the web that was supposed to be us… Yet allowing me to drown in the ocean of my own tears from living you too powerfully.
Tears from the realization that you weren’t mine but hoping you would one day be and one day we’d fall into line and become in-sync and we’d live our happily ever after.
But we both know they only exist in fiction novels and fairy tales.
Yet my heart still longs to be back in its safe haven. My heart still longs for you.
He’s different. He like to be seen but not heard because actions and attire say what his words cannot. He has volume without being too loud and it peaks a certain interest of mine. He likes to be acknowledged but not approached. Just the simple fact that he was seen is enough.
His posture says he’s confident and sure and proud… but not boastful.
Idealistically, he’s the one but he gives it room to breathe… just in case you change your mind. Just in case you aren’t ready for his authentic “swag” and knowledge of all things right for you. Because he knows it. But plays unaware to the fact that potentially… he could be that.